YOUR COMICAL COUSIN, JANE
A PLAY
Your Comical Cousin, Jane
Joan McGovern Tendler
Performers: (in late teens, twenties)
Jane Austen-19 years old
Cassandra Austen
Henry Austen
Francis Austen
Charles Austen
Martha Lloyd
Mary Lloyd
Alethea Bigg
Elizabeth Bigg
Catherine Bigg
Narrator:
Mme. Anne Lefroy-36 years old
Audience:
Thomas Lefroy-19 years old
Reverend Austen
Mrs. Austen
James Austen
Mr. Lefroy (Thomas’s uncle)
3 children (about 10 years old)
Louisa (maid)
ACT 1
Scene i. A gloomy day in December. A garden setting with evergreen shrubs, with a house at one end of the stage. A room inside the house is visible. Mrs. Lefroy is in the house, embroidering. Three young girls are singing a song (“Corydon”) and dancing with long red ribbons. Jane and Cassandra are walking across the stage, actively discussing something. The children end their song by wrapping their ribbons around each other, laughing, then they go off stage.
Corydon (sung to the tune of Scarborough Fair) When Corydon went to the fair He bought a red ribbon for Bess With which she encircled her hair & made herself look very fess.
Cassandra-And if those essays aren’t enough Jane, you know you’ve written many more. Here’s another funny one we could act out: what was the setting again? the perfectly smooth pasture, with four evenly-spaced cows? and with the selfish Mr. Gower: (sing-song voice) The Chocolate, The Sandwiches, the Jellies, the Cakes, the Ice, and the Soup soon made their appearance, and Mr Gower having tasted something of all, pocketted the rest.
Jane-(laughing) Oh, I do like that one, but can you just imagine acting it out? I can see the Chocolate, the Sandwiches, and the Cakes, but no one can really put jellies, ices and soup in their pockets!
Cassandra-No, I suppose not. Well , then there’s this one: Mr. Brudenell had a beautifull Neice with whom Sir William soon fell in love. But the niece preferred a Mr. Stanhope: Sir William shot Mr. Stanhope; the lady had then no reason to refuse him and they were to be married.
Jane-I think that would be too shocking.
Cassandra-No one would take it seriously. OK, how about this: Four months after you were gone, I gave birth to this Girl, but dreading your just resentment at her not being a Boy, (pause) I took her to a Haycock & laid her down. Satisfied within myself of the wellfare of my Child, (pause) I soon forgot I had one.
Jane-No Cassie-people don’t always understand satire-they’ll think I’m heartless. No, I simply can’t do it. I wrote some of these essays when I was only twelve years old, how could I act them out now? They’re so…juvenile! I’ll be twenty years old in a few days, Cassie! You know, seven years are enough to change every pore of one's skin and every feeling of one's mind! And who would even do it? There are a lot of very silly characters, and people have to be good actors, you know, to make the meaning clear.
Cassie-There are always gatherings around Christmas, and Charles and Francis are both home on leave from the Navy, so we’ll have our family and friends to play the parts, and..All right, we’re here. Let’s see what Madame Lefroy has to say. (Knocks)
Louisa (Maid)-Well, Miss Austen and Jane-how nice to see you! Please come in. (Jane comes in reluctantly)
Madame Lefroy-My favorite girls come for a visit-how delightful. How are your father and mother? Well, I hope?
Cassie-Oh yes, they are very well, and your family are well?
Madame Lefroy-As good as can be, thank you. Now, Jane, you seem quiet today. Is there anything wrong?
Jane (agitated)-We’ve come to ask you something, but I know what you’ll say and, well, I don’t think I want to hear it.
Madame Lefroy-My dear Jane! Cassie, maybe I should talk to your sister alone, she seems to be upset about something.
Cassie-But we’ve only come to ask your advice about putting on a reading of some of Jane’s essays during Christmas gatherings.
Madame Lefroy (looking at Jane, who is now pacing)-I suspect there’s a little more to it. Cassie, please give us a few minutes alone. Jane, shall we take a turn together in the shrubbery? Louisa, please have tea ready for us when we return-we’ll be only a short while. I’ll get my shawl.
Madame and Jane go out, Cassie stays in the house.
Jane-Madame, you know I’ll be twenty years old in two days. I’ve been thinking a great deal about my future, my future as a serious writer. I’m no longer a child, and I don’t want to be looked at as a child. I want to leave the silly satirical writing of my past behind… and anticipate my future.
Mme. I believe you mean that we must not anticipate the past…
Jane-Oh, of course Madame Malaprop, and our retrospection must be all to the future (finish with a flourish. Both laugh.)
Mme.-Silly satirical works, like the ones you have written, were an important part of your past. Y our whole family enjoyed putting on the very silly playThe Rivals, and I do believe you were very affluenced (pause) by the mixed-up words of Mrs. Malaprop. And if you object any more I’ll have to say that you’re as headstrong as an allegory…
Jane and Mme.-…on the banks of the Nile. (laugh together)
Jane-Maybe I am an allegory, just a symbol! I just have to figure out what I’m an allegory of.
Mme.-I only know that you write beautifully, as I’ve always told you.
Jane-But I want to write serious novels, very different from overly romantic novels of sensibility like The Mysteries of Udolpho, the kind of novels I like to make fun of. What I’d really like to write are novels that show the deeper values, more like…Mrs. Burney’s novels. You know: honesty, compassion, patience, true love, and how they win the day, in spite of misfortune, other people’s affluence, prejudice, or anything.
Mme.-And perhaps how they might win a single man, in possession of a good fortune?
Jane (laughing)-Well yes, for certainly a man like that must be in want of a wife! (spoken melodramatically, both laugh) So, I must move beyond my early work. (pause)
Mme.-Well, hopefully you’ll have a little compassion on your admirers and consider doing as Cassandra wishes. I believe that you may find it a very agreeable experience, sort of an adieu to your old life, and opening the door to a new one.
Jane (pause)-Well, if you put it that way…I suppose you’re right, Madame. Let’s go back to Cassie, she’s been very patient! (They walk back arm in arm, go inside the house)
Mme. Everything’s fine, Cassie, and, Louisa, please bring the tea. I wanted you both together to tell you a piece of news-you like news.
Jane-Oh! Yes, I always like news. What is it? Why do you smile so?
Mme.-My nephew Thomas Lefroy will be coming tomorrow to stay for the Christmas holidays. He will then go on to London, to begin reading law. He is just your age, Jane, so I hope you will be civil to him.
Jane-That depends-would you say he is altogether illegible?
Cassie-Jane, don’t you mean “is he altogether eligible”? Oh, of course, Mrs. Malaprop! In that case, let me think…hopefully Madame Lefroy will let us know all the perpendiculars about this young man.
Mme.-Oh dear, I can’t remember any more of those phrases. Well, let’s be serious now, girls, and I’ll tell you the particulars about the young man. I’ve never met him, but I understand Mr. Lefroy to be quite gentlemanly and very agreeable. He wrote me a very handsome letter to tell me of his visit. But I must let you know right away that (pointedly)his family has no money, if you understand my meaning.
Jane-So we will be gay and polite to him, for as long as he is here, but that must be the extent of it. In any case, I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
Mme.-Oh, dear Jane! Now let’s see how this reading of your essays will take place. I plan to hold a few neighborhood gatherings here, and I will be inviting the families of your girlfriends. Perhaps this would be the best way, because I could help, perhaps as a narrator. Now girls, help yourself to the rout cakes. What’s that sound? It sounds like a horse’s hooves-I’m not expecting anyone. (They open the door.)
Thomas Lefroy, very handsomely dressed, arrives on a horse.
Tom-My dear aunt!
Mme.-Goodness gracious, Thomas Lefroy? (loudly) Louisa, please tell Mr. Lefroy to come out here.
Tom-My dear aunt, I’m sorry that I startled you. I had the opportunity to come a day early and I was anxious to meet you and Uncle George. As they say, one cannot creep upon a journey. And I see you have some lovely visitors, so all the better I should come now. (gets off the horse and holds it)
Mme .-Yes, yes, these two young ladies are Miss Cassandra and Miss Jane Austen, our neighbors at Steventon. And this young man is my nephew, Thomas Lefroy.
(All bow to each other. Mr. Lefroy comes out of the house.)
Mr. Lefroy-Well, here you are a day early! Welcome, welcome! I remember that I used to do that myself. The pleasure of coming in upon one's friends before the look-out begins. You’re very welcome here, Thomas!
Jane (agitated)-Very nice to have met you, Mr. Lefroy. We must be going home now (whispers) “come Cassie”. (Cassie looks at her, puzzled.)
Cassie-Yes, it was very nice meeting you, Mr. Lefroy, we look forward to seeing you at some time in the future.
Jane-Madame, Cassie and I will work out the perpendiculars, (looks at Thomas, blushes) I mean, the p-particulars of the performance. But we really must be getting back now.
Mme.-Of course. Please give your parents my regards. (Cassie and Jane leave, bowing as they pass Thomas)
Cassie-Jane, why did you want us to leave so abruptly? Wasn’t that rude? He is quite handsome and so well dressed.
Jane-Wasn’t Mr. Lefroy rude? Coming a whole day early like that, and with no notice! I don’t know why Mme. Lefroy said he was so agreeable; I don’t see any indication of that in his manners. And, as handsome as he is, Cassie, he isn’t “illegible” anyway-Madame Lefroy made it clear that he must marry for money. So I’ll try to be polite to him, but that is all.
Cassandra-Jane! Neither Madame nor Mr. Lefroy seemed unhappy about his coming early. They know his character, as we do not, so we shouldn’t form any opinion at this point.
Jane-Dearest Cassie, you are a great deal too apt to like people in general. You never see a fault in anybody. All the world are good and agreeable in your eyes. I never heard you speak ill of a human being in my life, even of someone as rude as Mr. Lefroy. But I don’t want to think about Mister Lefroy any more, as handsome as he is, so let’s not discuss it any further. We have better things to do; we have a performance to plan!