YOUR COMICAL COUSIN, JANE

ACT II
Scene i-The Austen home.

Jane-Thanks to everyone this morning for this extra rehearsal. We’ll get started as soon as Mister Lefroy arrives.
Martha-Oh Jane, I’ve never had so much fun-I was only too happy to come. But what’s this about Mister Lefroy? Is he taking James’ place?
Jane-Yes. When we were talking after the play yesterday, I mentioned that we needed another man, and he volunteered to take James’ place. I gave him a copy of The Visit and Love and Friendship, because we need him in that one as well.
Mary-Well, hadn’t we better get on with it? I didn’t want to take Catherine’s part anyway. I don’t have all morning, and I doubt that anyone else does.
Jane-Thank you, Mary, for reminding me of that. Of course we should start.
Alethea-Well, I do think we all have enough of the morning to practice it enough to do it well, so we shouldn’t rush poor Jane.
Mary-Just the same, I have things to do. I’m sorry, but I take little pleasure in performing plays. So, if you want me in this play, we must begin rehearsing.
Alethea-Jane, maybe it would be better if Cassandra took Catherine’s part instead of Mary so Mary could go home. Where is Cassie?
Jane-Cassie had to leave early this morning for her visit to Edward. And Catherine isn’t feeling very well, although she thinks she’ll still be able to be in the play this afternoon. No, please Mary, be patient, you may need to do Catherine’s part just for this morning.
Mary-Where is Mister Lefroy, he should have been here by now. I suppose we should have met at the Lefroy house! If he is this unreliable for rehearsal, he’ll probably miss the play itself!
Henry-Jane, don’t worry about Mister Lefroy. Let’s just go over our parts. It’s a very short play, so I think everyone should stop wasting time complaining. We do all want this to be successful, so we don’t make fools out of ourselves. Isn’t that true, Mary? (Mary looks down)
Jane- All right. Here are all your parts. Let’s begin. Remember-be oh-verly dramatic. Charles-(STANLY). Cousin, your servant.
Francis (FITZGERALD). Stanly, good morning to you. I hope you slept well last night.
Charles (STANLY). Remarkably well, I thank you.
Francis (FITZGERALD). I am afraid you found your Bed too short. It was bought in my Grandmother's time, who was herself a very short woman & made a point of suiting all her Beds to her own length, as she never wished to have any company in the House.
Charles (STANLY). Make no more excuses, dear Fitzgerald.
Francis (FITZGERALD). I will not distress you by too much civility -- I only beg you will consider yourself as much at home as in your Father's house. Remember, "The more free, the more Wellcome."
Charles (STANLY). What Company is it you expect to dine with you to Day, Cousin?
Jane (MISS F). Sir Arthur & Lady Hampton; their Daughter, Nephew & Neice.
Charles (STANLY). Miss Hampton & her Cousin are both Handsome, are they not?
Jane (MISS F). Miss Willoughby is extreamly so. Miss Hampton is a fine Girl, but not equal to her.
Charles (STANLY). Is not your Brother attached to the Latter?
Jane (MISS F). He admires her, I know, but I beleive nothing more. Indeed I have heard him say that she was the most beautifull, pleasing, & amiable Girl in the world, & that of all others he should prefer her for his Wife. (pause) But it never went any farther, I'm certain.
Charles (STANLY). (thoughtfully) And yet my Cousin never says a thing he does not mean.
Jane (MISS F). Never. From his Cradle he has always been a strict adherent to Truth. He never told a lie but once, and that was merely to oblige me.
(Thomas LeFroy enters, led by Mrs. Austen)
Jane-Mister Lefroy! Thank you for coming. This won’t take long-it’s just a short play, like I told you last night. Did you read it over?
Thomas-I read your full manuscript most attentively, Miss Austen. What I don’t understand is why you have cut it short. (Mary takes the manuscript from him and reads it)
Jane-You know I’m only doing excerpts from my writings. I tried to find the passages that people would most enjoy acted out.
Thomas-Oh, they will enjoy the part in the middle, the part you cut out. You know what I mean, do you not?
Jane (blushing)-Why are you asking? I have given you your part, it’s already planned out. We discussed this all yesterday.
Henry-Jane, what is he talking about? I haven’t read the full manuscript-were you thinking of adding something? As your literary agent, well, eventually, that is, I need to know all about such things.
Jane-Dear Henry, please understand that the part Mr. Lefroy is referring to would not be appropriate acted out.
Thomas-But you are the one who wrote it in-are you ashamed of it?
Mary-Absolutely shocking! Jane, I simply can’t believe you wrote this scandalous behavior.
Jane-Mary, no…
Mary-The excerpt we are performing are the 1st and 3rd acts, but the one sandwiched in between, well, I’ll read it to you.
Jane-Mary, please don’t!

Mary-Miss F. Pray all be seated. Bless me! there ought to be 8 Chairs & there are but 6. However, if your Ladyship will but take Sir Arthur in your Lap Sophy my Brother in hers, I beleive we shall do pretty well. Lady H. Oh! with pleasure. Sophy. I beg his Lordship would be seated. (pause) Jane, what will your mother and father say? As you know, the loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable and one false step involves a female in endless ruin.
Thomas-(laughing) Oh Miss Austen, you simply must have us act this out-how funny it would be!
Jane-Mister Lefroy, it is one thing to think of or to write something this silly, it’s quite another thing to actually do it. I just thought it sounded amusing-I was very young, you know. I will not have this part acted out in front of my family and friends!
Thomas-I think you are too worried about their opinions.
Henry-My dear sir. This is clearly my sister’s decision, and I’ll thank you for not interfering.
Jane-Thank you Henry. (takes a deep breath)I have just decided to eliminate this play altogether from the performance. We won’t be needing you this afternoon, Mister Lefroy, but you very kind to offer. We will put on Love and Freindship in two acts, with the intermission in between. Francis, if you could just play the part of the manservant-it’s a very small part. I will speak to Madame about when intermission will be. You are all excused from practice, we will meet this afternoon at 1:00. Thank you for coming. (all leave except for Jane and Thomas)

Thomas-I beg your pardon, Miss Austen. What an impudent dog I am! Of course it’s your decision. I simply got carried away with enthusiasm. Miss Austen, I love your writings. What fun to mock these silly people we all know too well. Vain women like Matilda and Margaret, clueless and self-absorbed sisters like Charlotte. And now that I read Love and Friendship-such proud and headstrong young men and ladies. You are the queen of satire, really you are. (bows low)
Jane (flattered)-Am I? Oh well, I see you are being sincere-I won’t be angry. (Now enthusiastically) But I now write very serious novels. My first real novel, Lady Susan, is about a woman that everyone who reads it will absolutely hate. Lady Susan is extremely beautiful, but manipulative and cruel. She acts with no regard for anyone but herself, and stops at nothing to gain her evil ends. So, you can see that there is not one bit of humor.
Thomas (sarcastically)-Ooh, the female counterpart to the malicious heroes in those horror stories you ladies love so much. I’m sure I’ll be swooning the whole time I’m reading it!
Jane (very offended)-Not at all! This is a serious novel-how dare you compare Lady Susan to those silly sensibility characters. You just can’t appreciate the serious side of life. Perhaps you’re too young. I will be20 years old tomorrow.
Thomas-Oh, is that right? Then you do have much wisdom beyond me-I won’t be twenty until next month!
Mrs. Lefroy enters. Thomas excuses himself and they bow to each other.
Mme.-The rehearsal is over already?
Jane-Yes. We won’t be doing The Visit. It’s better to only put on Love and Friendship this afternoon. We’ll put the intermission right after Laura marries Edward. Please, it’s just better this way.
Mme.-Of course, whatever you want, Jane.
Jane-Madame, something has been bothering me. You’ve read my Lady Susan, but we’ve never had a frank talk about it.
Mme.-Yes Jane, I suppose we haven’t. I have to confess I wasn’t able to finish it. I simply disliked the main character so much. I guess she was too extreme for my taste. I’m sorry Jane.
Jane-I knew it, I will never be a serious writer! All that is left for me is satire.
Mme.-Oh, quite the contrary, Jane. I’m sorry I neglected to discuss my feelings about Lady Susan, but they are not all negative, certainly not hopeless. I truly believe, my dear Jane, that your talent for writing will be put to excellent use, to forward virtue, patience, honesty, compassion, but not merely by presenting horrid heroines, and not merely by mocking those who lack these qualities. Jane, I believe you can combine these two approaches (pause) and create a sparkling heroine, one who will be liked by all, but one that has certain flaws that will be worked out throughout the novel. She will be witty, perhaps a little satirical, ironical, perhaps a little like yourself. I expect great things from you, Jane, and you should expect them from yourself. Don’t get distracted by a little discouragement. Discouragement is everywhere, as I think you know by now. Well, we mustn’t discuss this any further, we have a play to put on in just a few hours.
Jane-(hugs Madame)-What would I do without you? I will be thinking about all you have said.